Setting Healthy Boundaries for Your Heart
March’s Heart Spotlight
BY JODI DIEKER
While your heart may not reside at the end of the rainbow, it is nonetheless a magnificent treasure! As we all know from fairy tales, treasures need to be protected. While some boundaries around our hearts, such as man-eating dragons, may be unhealthy, other boundaries, like a locked treasure chest, are healthy and necessary! Boundaries (the book): When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life is written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. We’ll take a look at their advice on how to create healthy boundaries!
Before we dive into the 10 Laws of Boundaries, let’s define a boundary first:
“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.” (Cloud and Townsend 2017)
Keeping this in mind, let’s look into Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend’s 10 Laws of Boundaries:
1) The Law of Sowing and Reaping
Our actions have consequences, and so do others. It is not our responsibility to take on the natural consequences of others’ actions.
2) The Law of Responsibility
We are responsible to each other, but not for each other.
3) The Law of Power
We have power over some things; we don’t have power over others (including changing people).
4) The Law of Respect
If we wish for others to respect our boundaries, we need to respect theirs.
5) The Law of Motivation
We must be free to say no before we can whole-heartedly say yes.
6) The Law of Evaluation
We need to evaluate the pain our boundaries cause others.
7) The Law of Proactivity
We take action to solve problems based on our values, wants, and needs.
8) The Law of Envy
We will never get what we want if we focus outside our boundaries onto what others have
9) The Law of Activity
We need to take the initiative in setting limits rather than be passive.
10) The Law of Exposure
We need to communicate our boundaries to each other.
For a more in depth discussion on how to set healthy boundaries in your life, check out Boundaries (the book): When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life.
